Manna

There are a lot of ways I could write this post, and I am not sure what the best way is but I am going to write from today. Because that is what I am learning in all of this, that grief is a day by day process and that God gives you what you need for that day. As some of you may or may not know, Ryan and I suffered the greatest loss you can as parents. On April 16, after some complications we lost our twins, Doak and Bexar. There is no easy way to type that, because that was not what I expected my first blog post about them to contain. I could get into the details of that day, but that is a day that will never make sense to me and I have already relived too many times in my head. So yes this post is about grief and heartache but it also is about faith, hope and the renewed strength we receive every day from God.We have been poured over with thoughts, prayers, packages, and we can not thank all of our family and friends enough for this support. In all of this we received a book called "Hope" by Nancy Guthrie. In just the first two pages, I was already comforted with a simple word, manna.  I have heard about manna a hundred times in vacation bible schools, in sermons and working in a church but the way Nancy talks about manna is exactly what I needed to hear. To quote her, "...just as the children of Israel were dependent on God to provide manna to sustain them every day while they wandered in the wilderness, I had to depend on God to give me the manna I needed every day to sustain me as I grieved my loss...And the thing about the manna God provided to the Israelites was that they couldn't store it up." And this is true for me, every day I need something new to get me up and get me going. It is all straight from Christ, whether it be his voice, a text from a friend, a letter from family, or a sweet smile from Ryan, it is my manna. I am going to be honest with you, there are days when I wake up and don't feel like being okay, talking to God or even smiling, but God puts something in my way to remind me that he is with me and there is hope. He gives me manna fresh and new every day, just like his grace and mercy. He says in Lamentations 3, "I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss^. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." I am strengthened day to day by Christ and his faithfulness. I am comforted knowing that he is in the trenches of this heartache with us, he says in Isaiah 41,"So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." So all there is, is to have faith, hope and know that God's plan in all this may seem fuzzy.  It may hurt like the dickens some days, and there will be things that take us right back to April 16th, but there is manna. There is hope and that is what I cling to today. 

 Ryan and I can not thank our family and friends enough for the way that you have surrounded us over these past weeks and continue to do as we walk through this together. I thank you for every text, phone call, letter, email, package, card, and visit. You have been our manna from God, and we thank you.